deception
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“I had another significant dream in my early twenties that began to unravel his cold love for me. In this dream, my father was holding an exaggeratedly large syringe. With Dad being a diabetic, I was used to seeing syringes, but not of this size. On the side, in very large writing, were the words:…
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I sat against the wall perched on my bed now in darkness. Mangled shadows danced all around me, mocking any peace I could try to find. I could not close my eyes to the monstrous darkness. I just could not. I simply stared at the door. Possibly in anticipation of someone coming to find me,…
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What better way to start a week, but with introsepection. Healing takes a mindset of growth. As a seed becomes a plant, there is visible change. The same was true in my life. The more I healed, the more everything started to look just a little bit different. Many of my relationships in life took…
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We truly are as sick as our secrets. All I learned through my childhood abuse was, don’t tell, don’t talk — try not to remember. You think that works? Nope! “We played as children do. My brother and I were close – albeit with sexual overtones. We pretended and explored a lot together. This was…
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Prejudice exists. I’m often judged and categorized for discussing my upbringing. It gets old. I’d be much more acceptable to them if I didn’t stand by my right to speak. Uncomfortable and unending, the opinions around me fly. Why don’t they be quiet? I didn’t ask them, did I? Unfortunately, this judgment and my shame…
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Being “special” is an act of manipulation that abusers use all the time. The special time together, the special bond you share, the special time you get — we can walk on in life and hold onto these special times. Or we can begin to decipher the hidden message of abuse. My father treated me…
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Abusers are either trying to deceive you or they become your accuser. One way or the other, it is all manipulation. I’ve lived with many of them. Abusive people want you to believe something that is not true, typically in order to gain some personal advantage. Not many people today use these old words, but…
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By definition repentance means sincere regret or remorse. Through healing I found myself looking more at my own actions more than looking at the actions of my abusers. It is the only way to heal. If it is the fault of everyone else, how do I have control over anything. Yes, my family did miserable…
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Bring one of your abusers to mind. What do you think of when you think of them? Do you write love into your story with them? Why are the abused so conformed to the notion that love exists somewhere in the abuse?