#familysecrets

  • Terror, Unrealized

    Children don’t have the luxury of allowing their terror to rein and that is life altering. When an adult is raped, they have recourse — most of the time they tell, they receive counseling, and sympathy. The perps might not receive full justice but an adult has many options to let their terror loose. A…

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  • Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down at…

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  • Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down at…

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  • Space in Eternity

    Growing up I had very little of my own space. Someone or something was always in it! The abuse I suffered encroached into everything. Space was a commodity I didn’t have. If I wasn’t being sexually abused, my being was forced to gorge on the aftermath. Inside and outside my space had become the playground…

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  • A Keen Connection to Kin

    To doublethink is mandatory when you are a child who has experienced abuse. Another example of doublethink is thinking on the one hand that you have no hope of escape and on the other hand that it will be better tomorrow. It is, literally, double thinking. Somehow the mind splits so that both realities can…

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  • Is Hatred Revenge?

    Hatred is an intense dislike or ill will. If I came close to hatred in my life, I suppose it would be towards my mother. Maybe not for the vile acts of sexual perversion she brought upon me, but for her deceiving ways. She is much like the sorcerer and false prophet Paul talked about…

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  • A Soft Heart

    When insatiable pain enters my soul, I’m perplexed with indecision. I can run away from it or I can try to devour it and end it’s sting. If I don’t outrun it, then it finds me. If I try to look at it, it overtakes me. These feel like two really bad choices. I hate…

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  • I have often wondered if God is guilty of neglecting me? What sin did I do to cause the abuse and pain that was shot into my life when I was born? What atrocity had I done, when at 18, I married a man to find freedom from my prison – only to receive another…

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  • Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down at…

    Read more →