PTSD
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Wherever I go, I am not alone. I have walked through fire, through the wreckage of love that wasn’t love, through shadows that whispered my name like a curse. I have stood in rooms where the air was thick with the ghosts of all the things I could not save. And yet, I am here.…
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There are two rather foolish ways of raising a child in a dangerous world. The first is to tell him that there is no danger. The second is to tell him that danger is everywhere. The first produces innocence without wisdom. The second produces fear without peace. Neither is particularly useful. We have become strangely…
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There is a strange thing that happens when you have spent most of your life surviving. You become very good at it. You learn to read the room before anyone speaks. You learn which footsteps mean trouble. You learn to anticipate moods, swallow needs, stay useful, stay busy, stay alert. You become capable. Independent. Productive.…
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One of the most unbearable things about evil is that it often appears to prosper. It sits at the head of the table while truth eats alone. It laughs louder. It sleeps well. It gathers admirers. And the soul begins to ask its oldest question: Where is God? But perhaps that question mistakes silence for…
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We have a strange habit of explaining away the things that should stop us in our tracks. I have carried a needle full of Hepatitis C into my body. I’ve looked down the barrel of a gun. My heart quit beating at twenty-seven. We speak about miracles as though they belong to another century. As…
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If you’re grieving, you’re not failing at anything. You’re just human in the rawest possible state, stripped down to what can’t be argued with or managed or optimized. There are days when the heart doesn’t feel “broken” so much as shattered early and quietly, like something cracked in childhood and you only learn later how…
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Jesus keeps setting tables in the strangest places. I know because I’ve stumbled into a few of them. A child’s bedroom where something sacred was being violated. A house full of secrets. A girl learning too early that the world could be beautiful and monstrous at the same time. I thought I was abandoned there.…
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Teachers like Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore promote a form of absolution to sexually abusive parents. I would argue that absolution is not theirs to give. ab·so·lu·tion/ˌabsəˈlo͞oSHən/ Formal release from guilt, obligation, or punishment. Definition from oxford language It goes on to say, “an ecclesiastical declaration of forgiveness of sins. Used in a sentence, “the priest administered…
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Introspection — what better way to start a week. Question: Do you easily call out the deception in your abuser(s) or do you deny what you see? One of the easiest ways to stay outside of healing and freedom is to deny what you see. As children, if you came through childhood sexual crimes, you…
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The devil rarely tempts you with anything that looks like evil. That would make it too easy. He comes offering what seems manageable. Reasonable. A small permission you can live with. I know this because I took those permissions. My fall didn’t begin with addiction or self-harm. It began with the quiet decision to override…