denial
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“My bathroom had now become the bathroom in the old motel room in ’68. My mind’s eye flew open. The window of the memory had started with that body memory. I didn’t realize what my hand was telling me until I was instantly back in the motel room. Plain as day, I was there, again.…
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Brene Brown has gone into great lengths about the gift that vulnerability is. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” In the life of a trauma survivor of deep childhood wounds, I pause at the notion that this is good for me. It’s like ripping off my…
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I entered adult life lame. I was weak and fell behind the others around me. I married my first husband at 18 to get away from my parents. He, of course, was a classic abuser and royal asshole. My attempts to keep myself and my children safe around him, never seemed to work. I was…
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Why don’t we talk more about incest in our socieites at large? The trauma is lifelong and threatens lives daily. Every nine minutes a child is abused in the US, and this is a global problem. Shame is discussed at great length around the world. Brene Brown is best known for her TedTalks on the…
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Being “special” is an act of manipulation that abusers use all the time. The special time together, the special bond you share, the special time you get — we can walk on in life and hold onto these special times. Or we can begin to decipher the hidden message of abuse. My father treated me…
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Tears have streamed down my face as I’ve been offered let down after let down in life. Example: My oldest daughter is hit in the face by her father. The police come and arrest him. During the interview, she tells the police officer and later child protective services that her father sexually abused her. Outcome:…
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Bring one of your abusers to mind. What do you think of when you think of them? Do you write love into your story with them? Why are the abused so conformed to the notion that love exists somewhere in the abuse?
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Did you call me a liar? Let me ask you this, “Have you lived through my experience?” “Were you next to me when my memory returned?” The night hour sweats as another scene gorged its way through my denial. The terror of going to sleep. The body aches that returned as I walked through the…
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All the years I’ve spent in a counselor’s office trying to sift through the rubble of my childhood and heal, I never encountered the priceless, cherished moments that populate the early years of most. They just weren’t a commodity I was raised with. I’m not being a victim by sharing this, it’s just factual. As…
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The three D’s of survival. When I watched my father kill tiny kittens on a rough block of wood, I reached into my tool bag and sorted through my survival skills. Which of the three D’s would I use? Any of them could work. When I watched the blood seeping out of one of the…