When I was about four or five, my father looked over at me when we were eating dinner. I had my fork in my right hand. He said, “if you were my baby girl, my baby girl would eat with her left hand.”
He had to say no more. I put my fork down and picked it up with my left hand. I’ve been lefthanded ever since. Although, I am quite ambidextrous.
The other day I thought to myself, I want to take back all of me from that enemy camp. So, I thought, “I’ll teach myself to be righthanded again.
It would take years to write with my right hand the way I now write with my left hand.
I wonder how many other unconscious choices I make that have the imprint of my abuser written all over it? Habits that I should walk away from that I keep because I have an unconscious bias to them.
I’m not fooled that their way of life lingers on in me – somewhere hidden.
It’s the redemptive work of healing that unburies those pieces and disengages their parts.
Oh, those mechanisms used to be at the forefront of all I did. That’s not the case anymore but I still feel their drum beats from time to time. The echo of yesterday.
I land with my strength for today.
I’m not an unreasoning animal that has not control over what I do. As I look back at abusers, I wonder if they showed any control over their desires? Giving in to wickedness only causes those desires to grow.
They couldn’t have the same reasoning I have. They couldn’t feel empathy or they couldn’t have destroyed the innocent lives they bled into.
This is a brood of vipers.
If Jesus called the Pharisees (a member of an ancient Jewish sect, they held pretensions of superior sanctity) “a family of snakes” – what do you think he’d call child molesters?
The next time you have a choice to make, ask yourself this question: “Would I be making this decision if I hadn’t been abused?”
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