The problem with keeping secrets is that they’re alive. We like to think that our secrets can lie quietly in our minds, as inert as dirt, but we’re wrong. Secrets aren’t just our creations…they’re our creatures, beings with wills of their own. They grow. They reproduce, as we form new secrets to support the old ones. They even migrate, colonizing the people closest to us (ask anyone from a secretive family). But the scariest thing about secrets is what they want: They want out.
By Martha Beck
Secrets are just part of our life journey when you come through childhood sexual abuse. Keeping them in darkness can be damaging.
I read a book called The Power of Confession. It followed two groups of college students over four years. Group A’s behavior was simply monitored, while Group B participated in an experiment.
Brain waves were monitored for each individual in Group B. Implants placed in different areas of the brain recorded activity at specific sites and, when appropriate, stimulated those sites.
Participants were then asked to share something they had never told anyone before. Their brain activity quickly showed increased congruence between the two hemispheres. Based on these results, the researchers surmised that keeping secrets requires mental energy and that, when a secret is shared for the first time, the brain experiences a release.
The study also found a notable difference in health-related visits over the four year period:
Group A sought medical attention much more frequently.
Group B, the students who shared secrets, had almost no visits to the college nurse’s station.
Secrets are not good for us. Period. This is why it is important to tell our stories.
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